You've found Father McKenzie. But are you really looking for Eleanor Rigby?

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

"Almost Famous"

"Rachel Jordan", call your office. This excerpt is from 'Almost Famous: The "celebrities" who love the GOP', by Rob Long, at

Even for me, an ultra-loyal Republican, the two creepiest words in the English language are "Christian rock".I've listened to my fair share of it, too -- long drive across the country; busted iPod -- and there's something so weird about it. It sounds like regular bad music when you first tune in. The lyrics always seem like regular bad music lyrics, too -- "I feel your body next to mine/ And that makes my whole life shine" -- but after a second or two you realize that they're singing about Jesus, not some girl named Mandy, and the whole thing just seems, well, creepy. Because rock music -- and most other forms of entertainment, when you really think about it -- is fundamentally about carnal desire. And Jesus, when you really think about it, is fundamentally not.

Which is all a long way of saying that I don't think I'm going to enjoy the "entertainment" portion of the Republican National Convention. It won't all be Christian rock, of course. According to the most recent RNC press release, conventioneers will be treated to country music acts such as Brooks & Dunn, Lee Ann Womack, Darryl Worley, and Donnie McClurkin. They'll be joining Michael W Smith, Daniel Rodriguez, Daize Shayne, Sara Evans, and Dana Glover on the podium. Sounds exciting, no? I'm aware that I'm going to sound like one of those liberal Democrat media snobs -- which is unfair, because I'm a conservative Republican media snob -- but who are these people? I live in Venice, California, so I happen to know who Daize Shayne is -- Google her yourself, if you're interested -- but most of the other names are drawing big blanks.

There are rumors, of course, that Britney Spears is a closet Bushie -- which might be true; she's from Louisiana, right? -- and we've all seen Ted Nugent's Republican spiel. But the sad truth is, the real difference between Democrats and Republicans is that their celebrities are, like, actually famous and ours are, well, singing weirdly erotic songs about Our Savior. [...]

There's at least one very crass pun waiting in that excerpt, but you'll have to work it our for yourselves since I'm not going to stoop to that level.

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