You've found Father McKenzie. But are you really looking for Eleanor Rigby?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004


Back in 1998-99, a rumour went about that - with Star Trek: Deep Space Nine in its 7th year, and with Star Trek: Voyager nearing that mark, and thus reaching the age under which, according to the Prime Directive, they must face an ancient rite our people call "THE FINAL SEASON" - Rick Berman, Michael Piller & co were planning a 5th Star Trek series that would star none other than Kevin Sorbo as the captain.

Although these plans went nowhere, they did generate a few rather frightening script possibilities...

  • Kev-baby accidentally mistakes a Class 1 phaser for a Remington Ultrasmooth and slices off the lower half of his jaw on camera, just after stepping out of a silver Saab.
  • Episodes featuring Mark Twain or Abraham Lincoln will no longer be time-travel or holodeck stories - instead, the script will be claiming that they did actually live in the 24th century
  • Special 30th-anniversary tribute to TOS' classic "Who Mourns For Adonis?" has Apollo explaining, resentfully, that "ZOOSSE killed mah family".
  • Trill Symbiosis Commission orders Xena and Gabrielle to cease re-associating with each other.
  • Kevin sits in Quark's Bar muttering bitterly about how "ZOOSSE killed mah wife" until a Wormhole Alien who has taken the form of Simonius observes: "The Sorbo is not thinking in linear time!"
  • Kevin S whips out a huge double-bladed Kull axe and tells Worf "THAT's not a knife; THIS is a knife!"

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