You've found Father McKenzie. But are you really looking for Eleanor Rigby?

Friday, October 31, 2003


From former Power Team member Scott Ward, writing at the Boar's Head Tavern:

Dark Dungeons

Ch ch ch... ah ah ah... It's the...

Third Special Halloween Edition of the Chick Tract Translator

Yes, Ladies and Gents.... number 3 in our week of spoooooky translations of some of the spooooookiest Chick Tracts. So far, we've hit "Bewitched" and "The Little Ghost". Today's guest of honor is an oldie but a... well, it's a Chick Tract. Something that should scare the hell out of you! Get it? It's a joke. Hell? Like, make you want to convert and avo... uh... it's Dark Dungeons.

Our story opens with one of the most unbelievable scenes in all the Chickiverse. We open in someone's kitchen, where a bunch of teenyboppers are playing "Dark Dungeons", which sounds suspiciously like "Dungeons and Dragons But We Don't Want To Get Sued". Around the table, the kids are heavily into gameplay and character building. Someone rolls a +20 HP and the result is a Spell o' light. Here's the problem. As we go around the table, I find, not one... not two... not three... but FOUR females. Four. Out of Seven.

Now, as a card-carrying nerd, I can readily assure you that the chances of getting four teenage chicks from the same neighborhood - good looking ones at that - to hang up their homework, telephone conversations, and shoe shopping, and then replace all that with spending quality time with a bunch of greasy nerds who call themselves "Lothar the Invincible" while they solve calculus equations with their calculator watches... well, it just ain't happenin'. In all my years of nerddom, the only time I've seen four good looking women together was when they were laughing at my Emperor Palpatine costume. Realism, Chickie Boy, realism...

So, anywho, the gamemaster...ess... ix... See? It doesn't even work right. These games were not designed for good-looking women. They were designed for guys with Atari 800's, acne problems, and lots of lonely Friday nights...

"Four out of Seven" sounds like a bad Trek fanfiction character.