You've found Father McKenzie. But are you really looking for Eleanor Rigby?

Thursday, December 04, 2003

LISTEN, CHILDREN, TO A STORY/ THAT WAS WRITTEN LONG AGO ... When Michael Moore denounced Dubya at the Oscars -- "We live in the time where we have fictitious [sic] election results that elects [sic] a fictitious [sic] president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious [sic] reasons" -- he said "ficti[ti]tious" like it was a bad thing. But now, other opponents of Dubya's illegal imperialist war have decided that ficti[ti]tious characters is people too, and shall not be silenced or otherwise denied inclusion in the political process on the trifling ground that they don't actually exist:

The classic children's book icon, Grandfather Twilight, broke twenty years of silence to endorse Congressman Dennis Kucinich for President in 2004. "In these extraordinary times we must act with extraordinary sincerity," he said. [...] There is a brave, truth-telling man from Ohio. His name is Dennis Kucinich, a Congressman who is running for President. As you know, I tend to be a calm old man, but when I heard Dennis speak, I got excited. He plans to create a Department of Peace. At last! Why has no one done it before? This is exactly how a wise President should think, what a good President should do!

Yes, that's right! Why has no one created a Department of Peace before? It's so bleedin' obvious!

On the other hand, Commander Adama yesterday endorsed Bush on the ground that it was foolish to wish for peace with such implacable enemies as the Cylons. "This war must continue until either we are destroyed, or until they are" he told the Quorum of the Twelve, opposing the "roadmap to peace" being put forward by Sire Uri.

My gosh! The ficti[ti]tious characters disagree? How's a mere real life flesh and blood boy supposed to vote?

The other famous quotable quote from Mr Toad's Oscar's speech was his warning to Bush that "The Pope even came right out and said it: this war in Iraq is not a just war and, thus, it is a sin [...] any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up."

I was reminded of this devout Catholic piety when leafing through the Mooron's latest book, Dude, Where’s My Country?. In Chapter 10, "How to Talk to Your Conservative Brother-in-Law", he demonstrates that streak of occasional and utterly random sensibleness that makes him so infuriating. Yes, he agrees, violent criminals actually should be locked up, although not executed. Then, discussing abortion, after arguing that opinion polls show large majorities of Americans favour abortion on demand, he uncovers the true agenda of the Right to Lifers: fear that abortion rights will give power to women. RTLs, he argues, prefer the old way to "We Impregnate, You Decide".

This from a man who justified his speech opposing the overthrow of Saddam & Sons Inc by relating how, on the morning before Oscars Night, "I found myself last Sunday morning, at the Church of the Good Shepherd on Santa Monica Boulevard, at Mass with my sister and my dad." Hey, Michael: any time you got the Pope, Susan B Anthony , Nat Hentoff , and Patricia Heaton against you, your time is up.

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