"Tu es vox"

Or arguably "Tu es ille vox" - it matters not. The following shall (on pain of such penalties as the local Ordinary shall judge it meet to impose) be sung (loudly) to the tune of John "Whispering Jack" Farnham's 1968 classic "Sadie - The Cleaning Lady" - and inspired by every Pope Eugene who ever got elected by 5 votes to 3 of his own private conclave in backwoods Idaho or suburban Neufchatel. Dedicated to Gerry Matatics, who was originally a Calvinist of some stripe who then converted to Catholicism, but is now a Sedevacantist: he decided, in other words, that new Priest was but old Presbyter writ large...

The Sedes - is clearly vacant
Since the latest Pope but one was kissing Korans
Saying "sorry" to the Jews
Wobbly on the Right to Choose
And forgetting that Eius transitum tota orans

[CHORUS:]
So lock the doors, light the straws, hold the conclave
Let each member of the Remnant, mark his parchment
With no Supreme Inerrant Head
the Christian Faith would soon be dead,
Any idiot could claim his Private Judgment

But quick! The Sedes - is clearly vacant
It's unthinkable Our Lord would want such chaos
Leave His children in the lurch
With no Father o'er the Church
You'd get self-appointed leaders from the laos

[CHORUS:]
So lock the doors, light the straws, hold the Conclave
Let each member of the Remnant, mark his parchment
With no Supreme Inerrant Head
The Christian Faith would soon be dead,
Any idiot could claim his Private Judgment

We knew the Sedes - is clearly vacant
Since 1958 (or '63, at latest)
I don't care who did the deed
All I know is that you need
promptly to elect me Gregory the Greatest

[CHORUS:]
So lock the doors, light the straws, hold the Conclave
Let each member of the Remnant, mark his parchment
With no Supreme Inerrant Head
The Christian Faith would soon be dead,
Any idiot could claim his Private Judgment