"Guilfuss went down to Victoria..."

John Moe has "Thirty-nine Questions For Charlie Daniels Upon Hearing 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia' for the First Time in 25 Years" (link via Eugene Volokh).

This got me a-fixin' to dig up the following, composed in honour of a legendary gun-lobbyist from North Queensland, possibly one of the very few English-Mass-will-do-at-a-pinch-but-the-Latin-Mass-is-the-real-deal Catholics in the world who regards the UK's 1688 Bill of Rights - Article 7 and all - as sacro-bloody-sanct. If you can imagine "The Man From Ironbark" being filmed by director John Milius, you're part of the way to picturing Guilfuss.

Well, Guilfuss went down to Victoria – he was lookin’ for a place to rent, see
But this cove he’d picked as a fellow Mick, he turned out to be a closet Pentie
Al’s tone was curt ‘cuz he was huntin’ skirt, and was willing to risk great harms
To hisself and his heart, just to get a fresh start, in his quest for the Right Two Bare Arms

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
“This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria…”

So Al sought a lass at a Charo Mass, but turned out 'twas a Commo trap
He thought: “Them sheilas, they’re all feelers, and they’d just give a bloke the ‘clap’
I been hoping to share in (and stock up my merit with) some transubstantiation
But the only good work takin’ place in this kirk is a heap a’ self-flagellation..."

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria…”

As Al looked around he scowled, and he growled to himself: "This mob are loonier
Than some ABC journo who’d fawn over Kernot but mock Bob Katter Junior
If them PC jerks invade me Church, then it’s b*** well time to tell them
That they’d best think again or they’ll soon see their heads on spikes next ter Johnny Calvin’s..."

So Albert waxed his pencil-mo and drew his breath in hard
"Ter say the least, yer parish priest seems just a mere Lollard
It's time ter fight, like Menzies savin' Aussie from ther Huns
'Cos if we lose, the Feds'll take our guns..."

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria..."

Well, you’ve heard about Christ in the Temple – now, here’s the latter days’ own sequel
For Jesus, he lived long before Sam Colt made all men equal
And a whip would sound kinky for Al, don’t you think? He’d prefer a more... Tradition-al solution
So fired off a blast from his .303 when they started Third Rite Absolution...

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria..."

Once he’d got their attention, Al went to the pulpit and announced: "Time to hear some new sermons!
Yuz are pawns in a plot stretchin’ back to the Thirties, when the Jews took the guns off the Germans
Yuz are richly blessed with two Rights already – the Right to Bear Arms and Stay Silent
So if yuz get greedy and want a Third Rite… well, yuz leave us no choice but turn violent."

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria..."

"If yuz let ’em ban guns from yer churches, I fear, yuz’ll really be past any hope
Next they’ll want to abolish yer common-law right to directly elect yer own Pope
Yuz of course know the Third Great Commandment Christ left: 'Never yield up thy gun or munition'
And yer got no excuse to ignore this command, since it doesn’t conflict with Tradition..."

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria..."

Al said: "Ask the Pope – this ain’t no Oprah
Show with no rovin' mike
So don’t go teary on us, dearie
I don’t care if that’s what yuz like…
Yuz see what I drive at? Faith should be private,
Between a person and his or her God
And if yuz don’t yet profess this, yuz’ll b*** soon confess this
In an audience with me cattle-prod..."

[CHORUS:] Fire on the Proddoes – run, Prods, run
Al’s on the prowl with a big-bore gun
"This ancient Faith ain’t no Catholic cafeteria
Where yuz kin choose à la carte to partake a’ Mass hysteria..."