How to know when you've been attending a Presbyterian church too long

UPDATE 2: I meant this (below) as a parody, but for the pure milk of Calvinist humour, which is not that far off, see the real thing here.

24. Even though you consider television a prohibited graven image, and do reject, despise and ab[h]ominate Big Brother for its shameless sex, nudity, mixed bathing,and Sabbath-breaking... you couldn't not vote for a contestant named Geneva.

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ATTENDING A PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH TOO LONG WHEN... [UPDATED]

1. You want to bring formal heresy charges against Tim Allen because he's played selfish yuppies named "Scott Calvin" and "Michael Cromwell". (Wasn't there a Swiss Reformer named "Desiderius Lightyear"? Maybe "Buzz" is the non-Latinicised original of "Bucer"…) That's religious vilification, sir!

[Update: The heretic Allen completes his arc of anti-Protestantism by playing a "Luther Krank" in his latest oeuvre. Can't he at least partially atone by getting hitched on-screen to an attractive Calvin?]

2. You believe that the Roman Catholic Church reads far too much into Matthew 16:18-19 - yea, far more than the text thereof can rightly warrant. For, far from establishing an infallible Papacy, it is plain to even the most unlettered reader that, when He said "upon this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it", Jesus was simply identifying the Antichrist as Bill Gates.

3. You ban Cold Chisel because you're certain than in at least one of their singles you can distinctly hear Barnesey singing "Good Bahá'í"…

4. You think Amy Grant's been a bit theologically dodgy - not because she got divorced in 1998, or because she went commercial in 1991 - but because in 1982 she espoused semi-Pelagianism by releasing "I Have Decided".

5. You don't eat yoghurt because that's tantamount to worshipping Krishna.

6. Every Microsoft Word document you print has the text aligned to the left-hand margin, just so it isn't justified by Works.

7. You formally charge R.F [you know who you are, R.F! - ed] with error - yea, with gross heresy - specifically, that of the Sabellians or Modalists - because in prayer she addresses the Triune God as "youse".

8. You formally charge J.M [you know who you are, J.M! - ed] with falling into the error of Docetism - because when asked "Have YOU accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour?" she replies "Umm, yeah, Jesus… He was, um, like, a man who, um, lived two thousand years ago…"

9. You're not letting your kids go to any Wiggles concerts until they replace "Dorothy the Dinosaur" with "Theodore the Leviathan".

10. You get very angry about subliminal messages hidden in popular music - not just the backmasking in Stairway To Heaven, but the fact that The Lion Sleeps Tonight contains thinly-concealed Pentecostal propaganda for "the Wimber Way".

11. After an initial misunderstanding, you walk out of Election fifteen minutes into the movie once it becomes apparent Matthew Broderick ain't about to start preaching the most sweet and godly doctrine thereof.

12. You were actually relieved to find out that the Beatles' Let It Be is about marijuana.

13. Since the Uniting Church in Australia is led by a Moderator and their magazine is called "Journey", you think the Presbyterians should be led by an Immoderator (whose office is to rouse the congregation with three-hour sermons denouncing Popery) and their magazine should be named "Staying Put" (or, for the WezPrez, "Reversing At 60 Miles Per Hour").

14. Your two most fundamental articles of theology are (a) support for the death penalty, so that murderers, thieves, rapists and Sabbath-breakers will suffer just punishment on account of their own free and voluntary choices; and (b) belief in double predestination, not only of the elect, but of the damned also.

15. You decide that under your planned Christian Reconstructionist regime, the city of Darwin will be renamed "Bob Jones"… and that the whole cast of Will & Grace will be put to death for promoting homosexuality, except for Debra Messing because she played Mary Magdalene in Jesus: The Miniseries.

16. Out of sheer habit, you always refer to hypnotist Barry St James as "Barry James" and the capital of Minnesota as "Paul, Minnesota".

17. Unlike all other fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation, you like "Wesley Crusher" - what a great name!

18. You believe the Anglican Church to be an apostate harlot daughter of its Roman mother, governed by corrupted bishops… You also believe that the King James Version (KJV) is the only accurate and reliable translation of Holy Writ in the English language.

19. You bring a lawsuit for slander against the (engineering or computing) firm you work for, because in the company newsletter they describe you as "charismatic" and say you're "quite an enthusiast" who's "advancing through the corporate hierarchy".

20. You cancel your policy with your insurance company because their thinking is so infected by Arminianism that they won't count deliberate damage by vandals as an "Act of God".

21. When someone asks "Do you know any of the St Kilda Demons?", you answer: "Only some of them - so far I've named Ashgaggerroth, Zordunakulon, and Hamoshphitophel as operating in or around that particular suburb…"

22. You publicly question the much-touted Calvinist orthodoxy of Dr Graeme Goldsworthy himself, because he keeps rejecting your written demands that he officially change his name to "Graeme OnlytheslainLambsworthy".

23. You wasted thousands of dollars on a crash-hot new personal computer because you misinterpreted the salesman's promise about how it was "good for burning CDs really quickly."

24. You have Matthew 5:22-based objections to the For Dummies how-to books.

Karla and Karma

Canada -- being a far more civilised, humane and progressive society than the barbarians to its south, 38 of whose 50 States still employ capital punishment -- abolished the death penalty 29 years ago. Partly as a result of this, Karla Homolka, a.k.a Karla Teale -- who helped her husband Paul Bernardo rape and kill at least three young girls, including Karla's own sister [1] -- has just walked free, at the relatively young age of 35, after serving 12 years in jail. Bernardo is "unlikely" to ever be released, which is reassuring. (Of course they can't say "absolutely positively will never be released", since only a Sith thinks in absolutes).

But as often happens, the nuttiness of one form of political correctness is cancelled out by another. While Canada is too progressive, humane and compassionate to execute Karla for her crimes, it is also too progressive, humane and compassionate to stop her -- even while in imprisoned -- from acquiring a new boyfriend. -- Who's doing time for murdering his own ex. What odds, then, that history may repeat?

Not that I'm endorsing such an outcome, of course; I remain personally opposed, as an article of faith, to all forms of murder. I'm just saying, certain outcomes are foreseeable.

Another alternative is that Karla may leave Canada to make a new life somewhere else. So memorise that face, just in case she chooses Australia.

[1] To be fair, Karla only intended to drug her sister so Paul could have sex with her unawares; the death was an accident.

Labor swaps the soapbox for a pulpit

These letters are reproduced from The Australian's Letter page today (Thursday & July 2005), in case it disappears offline and into archives forever.

Labor swaps the soapbox for a pulpit
07 July 2005

"LABOR'S God Squad" (6/7) really takes the cake for sheer effrontery. The prospect of Labor smarming round the newly noticed churchgoing voter is an exercise in classical amnesia.

It was the Whitlam-appointed Lionel Murphy who introduced the Family Law Act, where de facto is equated with marriage.

The socially destructive Human Rights Bills, the Sex Discrimination Act and Equal Opportunity Bills were high-sounding disguises for the removal of the moral and social values of Christianity – create poverty by encouraging single parenthood and then appoint counsellors to bypass church teachings to form a whole new welfare underclass.

It will require dissimulation on a gigantic scale to re-write this history. However, I am sure it is not beyond Labor's PR skills to do just that. I advise churchgoers to invest in a good supply of long spoons and many, many grains of salt.
Rosemary de Meyrick
Benalla, Vic

KEVIN Rudd is quoted as saying "On those so-called 'life' isues, the Labor Party, like the Liberals, has a conscience vote for individual MPs".

Of course, all policital parties make similar claims. The obvious, and worrying, corollary to that statement is that, on all other matters before the parliaments of Australia, the members do not necessarily vote according their conscience. This is a matter of serious concern for all thinking voters.
L. Allen Warren
Mansfield, Qld

Costello and Carr should remember that politicians who grandstand at religious gatherings appear to ooze genuine insincerity.
Clive Troy
Beecroft, NSW

Frozen Triplet Survives 13yrs at -235 degrees C

After 13 years as twins, now they're triplets

A HEALTHY baby girl has been born in California after spending 13 years as an embryo frozen at -235C.

In a remarkable twist to an already remarkable case, Laina Beasley is a triplet because she was conceived at the same time, by the same parents, as her two 13-year-old siblings.

....

In the 1990s, Ms Beasley discovered that her doctor - Ricardo Asch, at the University of California, Irvine - had taken eggs and embryos from patients without their knowledge and implanted them in other women or given them to research.

The clinic was shut down and Dr Asch was indicted, although he avoided prosecution by leaving the country. The Beasleys managed to save eight of the 12 embryos they knew about; they were told that some had been sent to the East Coast of the US for experiments.


The Beasleys, strict Christians, planned to use all their embryos to produce children. "There has never been any question in my mind. The embryos were frozen at the two-cell stage and that was still life," Ms Beasley told the Chronicle.

"To this day, we still don't know what happened to those (missing) embryos. It took a lot of years and a lot of counselling to accept that."

....

"As soon as he (Dr Katz) took the catheter out, I put my hand over my lower abdomen and said, 'Welcome home'," Ms Beasley said. "They had been in this cold place for so long. Now it was over. Whether God took them to heaven or they became babies, it was OK. I had waited so long to get to that point. It was finally full closure."

Retain the Bible's Authority in Church

by Archbishop Peter Jensen

Modern spirituality invents its own standards and rituals, but the Bible stands as an authority over all traditions.

Throughout history human beings have been incurably religious. Religion has continued and even flourished under atheistic regimes such as those imposed by Marxism. Despite the secular mood of our day, religion has not disappeared, it has surfaced again often under the guise of ‘spirituality’.

Contemporary spirituality retains its popularity and it is so often undemanding. It is more interested in whether spirituality meets a felt need rather than the truth. We can invent our own rituals and standards of behaviour. In particular, it does not require corporate disciplines such as going to church.

More...

I was really pleased to find this little article. I have been looking for some more material to rebut the seemingly endless approvals of what I see as a very self-indulgent spirituality that i observe coming through in certain church movements - known as the "emerging church".

They have the following qualities (if they may be called such):

1. They are pragmatic - it it works, do it, if it doesn't, junk it. This is the same kind of basis for making decisions about how to do church as the specious US -style super evangelism that they decry loudly and longly.

2. They are eclectic - (almost) anything goes - with lip-service to the "cultural condition" of the church-goer but really more a hunger for embracing whatever takes their fancy without restraint - all mudled together in a melange of post-nothingness.

3. They are innovative - which I mean to describe beliving what they do is good because it is new, not creating the new beacuse it is good. This also takes into account an unfettered embrace of technology. Hear, o Alternative Worshippers, the words of Rick Deckard,

"Replicants are like any other machine. They're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit, it's not my problem."

Technology is not a neutral medium - it is the message. Flashy light, flashy values. They have created the Las Vegas of worship - all style, no substance - except for the initiated few.

Costello addresses Hillsong congregation

This is part of a transcript from the ABC's LATELINE program. report Tony Jonesinterviewing The Federal treasurer, Peter Costello.

TONY JONES: Tell me, though: does the spirit move you when you're there or is this just, for you, another political speech in front of an admittedly very enthusiastic crowd?

PETER COSTELLO: No, I find it very uplifting personally to join in the service, the music and the message. It lifts me. I said that tonight - it lifts me, and I hope it lifts everybody else in the auditorium and, judging from their reaction, it does. You've got to bear in mind that people were actually queuing to get into the Superdome tonight, and I would say predominantly young people enjoying music and hearing a preacher preaching mainly from the Bible. That's a good thing in my book.
More...

It's a good thing in my book too. Where are all the disaffected youths, struggling to find their way in the mainstream churches that stifle their spirituality and creativity? At the Hillsong Conference getting "lifted" of course.

Politicians court the Hillsong crowd

PETER COSTELLO: And as you go back to your communities and your churches, to your neighbourhoods, to your workplaces, and as you live in community with fellow Christians, with your family, I hope that you find the strength of God in your lives, because this is the strength of a society and this will be the strength of our nation. More...

What we need now is a Politician State of Origin, where the boys and girls from Canberra slip on the coloured strip and go thumping each other for the sake of God, country and votes. I can see it now - a risky high tackle by Costello on Kevin Rudd. A neat pass to Howard, the nuggety little half-back from NSW. And a king hit from that big Perth prop, Beazley. What a game!

(not another) theological worldview quiz

From the world of Sven (care of Duncan Maceod's blog). Quizzes are fun but cannot always tell the whole picture of a person's attitudes, values and beliefs. Caveat aside, drumroll, please...

My score? Why Reformed Evangelical, of course! Say it Three times! YAY!

You scored as Reformed Evangelical. You are a Reformed Evangelical. You take the Bible very seriously because it is God's Word. You most likely hold to TULIP and are sceptical about the possibilities of universal atonement or resistible grace. The most important thing the Church can do is make sure people hear how they can go to heaven when they die. Reformed Evangelical 75% Neo orthodox 68% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 64% Fundamentalist 57% Emergent/Postmodern 54% Roman Catholic 46% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% Classical Liberal 21% Modern Liberal 18% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Costello makes pilgrimage to Hillsong conference

More than 20 politicians will take to the stage at the Hillsong Church's annual conference in Sydney this week.

Federal Treasurer Peter Costello was among 30,000 people who gathered in Sydney's Olympic Superdome last night for the opening of the conference.

Mr Costello received a thunderous reception when he addressed the crowd.

"Well, the theme of this year's conference is strength and we at the Australian Government level think about that a lot," he said.

"How do we make our industry strong, our economy strong? How do we make our schools strong, and how do we make our public strong, and where does the strength of a nation come from?"

You can roll down the sleeves on your red leather jackets now, men...

... the Jackson gang ain't gonna be rumblin' on yo' turf no more, know what ah'm sayin'?

Instead, they be beatin' it back to they homes:

POLICE are preparing for a fan riot if Michael Jackson is found guilty of child molestation. A rapid deployment plan has been prepared by Santa Barbara sheriffs following an increase in tension outside the court. Riot police, mounted police and dog squads are on standby. [...]

- Nick Papps, "Police fear riot if superstar found guilty", Courier-Mail (11 June 2005)

Revenge of the Kiwis

Why does it seem that many of the movers in the Emerging Church scene are Kiwis? Is is that those from the Shaky Isles feel the need to make their mark on the world, as did the most esteemed bee-keeper, Hilary of Auckland? Or is there something more afoot in the land of the Long White Cloud?

For example:

Mark Pierson - Executive Director of Urban Seed, - "Mark Pierson has been a minister in NZ Baptist Churches for 22 years".

Tallskinnykiwi - the name says it all (actually it doesn't - his name is Andrew Jones

Postkiwi - "Duncan Macleod, a Kiwi living on the Gold Coast, Australia"

e~mergentkiwi - "Steve Taylor...a role as lead pastor at Opawa Baptist Church...faith in aotearoa new zealand."

Perhaps this is a result of NZ's bold "free trade agreement" - IMPORTING FROM THE WORLD.

Under the Lavalamp

I missed the weekend posts on the Youthmultimedia list and only picked up on them today.

Among them was this message that caught my eye from Jonny Baker:

Subject: Digital prayer lavalamp
Check out the current issue of www.emergingchurch.info which has a digital prayer lavalamp in flash which I absolutely love...jonny baker

I absolutely love it too - as a flash animation. The animation itself is actually a modified version of one the the earlier projects in a book called Flash 4 Magic. I made it myself - part of the challege when I made the lavalamp was the need to modify the action script from Flash 4 to Flash MX.

Fun to do. But not fun to see how the project has been turned into what I would call an exanple of a "faith fascinator" ie a distraction from true prayer. The "virtual lava lamp" is described as an opportunity to add a prayer and have it revolve around in the lava lamp along with all the other blobs.

I could go on about the lava lamp as cultural kitsch vs revolutionary design, and weigh into a critique of the value of cultural objects and their relative corruption (rather than as novel applications for s(t)imulating piety), but its probably better to quote Jesus:

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and switch on your lava lamp. Imagine your prayers floating around as the blobs. Up and down they go with no particular direction or purpose. They all just meld together with all the other blob-prayers into one seamless unity of blobbiness. And your power company, who records the electricity you use in secret, will charge you."

David Tacey Watch #3 / Woe to you, blind guides!

I knew I wasn't wasting my time at the David Tacey seminar back in April. Now the Uniting Church in Queensland has devoted almost a whole issue of Journey to the event.



Amongst the confusion that inevitably emerges in Uniting Chuch minds over what is and isn't the pure unsullied Word of God, comes an insightful piece from Rev Dr Geoff Thompson, Director of Studies in Systematic Theology, Trinity Theological College.

Here's the punchline:

Tacey’s rejection of Jesus’ identity with God is a reminder that, for all his rhetoric about privileging ‘experience’ over ‘belief’, he holds some quite particular beliefs about what may and may not be believed within the circle of contemporary spirituality.

You'll have to read the whole article, the general article on David Tacey and maybe the whole edition of Journey to grab the context of the quote, but it really jumped out at me.

For all the claims of "multiplicity and diversity of faith and belief", there is only one which consistently gets marginalised in such circles - traditional, conservative Christiainity.

At last we will reveal ourselves - Mark Steyn on ROTS

And what a rotter it is...

"Lucas characters always have to spell out what they’re thinking and feeling because he’s incapable of showing it. You can’t make the core of the story the absolute overpowering love of boy for girl when the two of them have all the sexual chemistry of their Burger King merchandising tie-in action figures."

More...

"Schapelle Corby" + "google"

Is Schapelle Corby guilty or innocent?

A quick google search will let us know:

Guilty = 67, 100

vs

Innocent = 28, 800
(or not guilty = 5, 560)

(and in a google fight of "Schapelle Corby" and "Indonesian Justice", guess who is the winner)

Revenge of the Sith secrets exposed

More later, but some interesting material referenced over at Instapundit

1. Balance of the Force

I've always wondered about this, ever since Episode 1. Why would the Jedi Council want "balance" to a force that is supposed to be helping them (ie the good guys - the relativistic assertions of Anakin Skywalker aside). Here's an answer:

The prophecy was that Anakin (Darth) will restore order and balance to the force. How true this turns out to be. But none of the Jedi can begin to understand what this means. Yes, you have to get rid of the bad guys. But you also have to get rid of the Jedi. The Jedi are, after all, the primary supply source and training ground for the bad guys. Anakin/Darth manages to get rid of both, so he really is the hero of the story. (It is also interesting which group of "Jedi" Darth kills first, but that would be telling.)

The public choice economics of Star Wars: A Straussian reading

2. Midichlorians

Midi-what? Mito-whosia? Yep, didn't understand this arcane Lucasian concept until this insight either. Seems to make sense (although not much in George Lucas' universe stands up to close scrutiny. the New Testament gospels are completely airtight in comparison):

Chancellor Palpatine lets Anakin know ... that he once knew of a Sith Lord able to manipulate Midichlorians to the point where he could create new life with them and also prevent death.The Phantom Menace seemed to indicate that Anakin was immaculately conceived. He had no father. His mother simply became pregnant and raised the boy.In one fell swoop, Lucas reveals to us that he had a plan all along. No, Anakin isn't the sci-fi version of Christ. It turns out his mother was essentially raped, through the manipulation of Midichlorians by Darth Sidious....

Juicy Cerebellum

More discussion of this over at Jonathan's Ink

3. Relativism and absolutes

Directly from Instapundit, and confirming the confusion in George's and every other committed and casually ironical postmodernist mind about even the concept of certainty, let alone the possibility of it:

... In fact, the Kenobi "Only a Sith thinks in absolutes" line is deeply ironic, since immediately afterward Anakin/Vader plays the moral relativism card, responding that while Obi-Wan may think Palpatine is evil, that's all a matter of opinion: From his point of view the Jedi are evil. The NYT editorial board couldn't have done it better!

...and as a quote from an Instapundit reader puts it succinctly:

You're right about the unintentional irony in the fact that Anakin/Vader plays the relativist card soon after the "only a Sith thinks in absolutes" line. I'd argue that the irony is further deepened by the fact that Obi-Wan's line is itself also an absolute statement.

Major charity says wealth gap growing

TONY EASTLEY: A major charity is challenging the Federal Government's claims that households enjoying the strongest growth in earnings in the past eight years have been those at the bottom end of the income ladder.

The St Vincent de Paul Society says on the contrary, the gap between Australia's rich and poor is growing – a situation that will be exacerbated by tax cuts in the Budget. The view is contrary to that provided by the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling, on which the Prime Minister has based his claims.

But the charity's Terry McCarthy, speaking here to reporter Liz Foschia, says the NATSEM figures are a mathematical illusion.

more

Gospel and Mysticism

Recently I have been looking into the alternative worship scene and the emerging church scene - one seems to have a symbiotic relationship with the other, although the sequence of genesis is not yet clear.

What I have noticed is a relationship between David Tacey's mysticism and those in the alt.worship community.

More on this in a later post, when I get around to transcribing the notes that I took at the conferance held at Indooroopilly UCA a few weeks ago now.



I struggled finding anything on the web both a) reasonable and b) critical of this type of movement ("alternative emerging mysticism" for want of a better phrase) - and I know I am oversimplifying quite a complex and diverse topics e.g not all in the emerging church scene are into al.worship, not all alt.worship is mystical.

However, I thought to pursue one of the latest and greatest innovations on this front - the LABYRINTH - and came up with GOLD.

Read it here (it's in four parts, but worth your while - it certainly firmed up my understanding of the whole issue):

Mysticism part 1

But many thirsty believers, wanting something more, something deeper than
has been their experience, are also becoming infatuated with two other
overlapping fads. One of these is ancient, harkening back to premodern
times (mysticism). The other is new and considers itself postmodern (the
emerging church). They have in common disdain for modernity, a distortion
of Scripture and a rejection of much that conservative Christians hold
dear. Despite these flaws both are rapidly gaining popularity, especially
among the young, which seems to be the targeted demographic.

Mysticism part 2

Mysticism part 3

Mysticism part 4 (this one is on the labyrinth movement in particular, but IMHO does not go far enough)



The other article I found to be of help was this one: The Labyrinth as a Spiritual Tool: Description, History and Evaluation - although not as critical as the articles above, it still has an intersting point of view (thus: labyrinths have a pagan origen, appeal to emotional types, are contentless, experience driven, and solitary BUT could be used cautiously in a christian context)

I''l leave the punchline to CS Lewis, reflecting on the life-affirming validity of 'the journey' amongst all sincere seekers of truth in great faiths everywhere:

"All who leave the land and put to sea will "find the same things" -- the land sinking below the horizon, the gulls dropping behind, the salty breeze. Tourists, merchants, sailors, pirates, missionaries -- it's all one. But the identical experiences vouches for nothing about the utility or unlawfulness or final event of their voyages"

National Day of Thanksgiving

The NDOT was on the 14th may.

Blinked and missed it?

John Anderson (Deputy Prime Minister) spoke.

His three point speech:

"The first is the one I have already touched on that Australia is a wonderful country to live in. The second is that in the Christian creed I can find an answer to the great conundrum that is humankind, that we are capable of such extraordinary greatness and yet capable at the same time of such utter depravity. Are we good or are we evil? How can we avoid trying to find an answer to that question? And thirdly, and penultimately, there is an all-powerful God who loves us despite ourselves and wants us to be in fellowship with Him.

See the website...

http://www.thanksgiving.org.au/



National Day of Thanksgiving
The National Day of Thanksgiving is a unique opportunity for Australians to celebrate and give thanks for our God given heritage as a nation and to demonstrate the God given values of honour, respect, thankfulness and gratitude towards our fellow man that have made us the great nation we are.

It is a day for us to pause as a nation and say thank you to God and to each other for those many things we often take for granted but which really make our lives worth living. Let us use this day to be a blessing to those who have been a blessing to us during the past year.

THE NATIONAL DAY OF THANKSGIVING - AN OPPORTUNITY NOT AN EVENT!

iPod, sod, this is God

Looking for what I might find on God's iPod I stumbled across the phenom of "Godcasting" - ie transmission via iPod (or podcasting) the true, unadulterated and pure Word of God in MP3 format.

There's even a (yet to be launched) site called God's iPod.


But what really grabbed me was the alternative worship's site with a putatuve tracklist of songs.

While there is a fair range of songs, the comment above is most illuminating:

"These tracks have made us, severally, reach unto the heavenlies in worship, achieve spiritual enlightenment, ecstasy, and generally feel nice."

Obviously God is truly worshipped when we feed God the music that makes us "spritually enlightened" (whatever that means), and feel good about ourselves.

Worship is me feeling good about me.

Where's God in this?

Off listening to his iPod, trying to feel better about humanity.

How to spoil the spoiler

There is nothing like a good spoiler. The one you angst over, wring hands, look furtively either way, and then suddenly decide you will expose yourself to it (or let it expose itself to you!).

Film advertisers constantly walk a fine line between revealing enough about a movie to get an audience intrigued, and revealing so much that the plot is blown (especially those that say "there's a twist at the end! watch out for it!).

Case in point: TIME Australia's coverage of Star Wars Episode III:Revenge of the Sith. Chock full of spoilers.Not that there's anything wrong with that.



What I object to is the incompetent way the poor plebs have this info shoved in their faces - in particular, this poor pleb's face. I could have had a "total media ban" (like the wasted effort forEpisode I) and never opened the magazine. But I wantedto know a little more, and expected to be able to handle the spoiler action. Was I disappointed.

Not only were the key opening secrets of the movie revealed in gory detail up front, but the worst kept "secret" of them all was parenthetically enclosed with comments warning readers to avoid this sections as it contained "spoilers".

After having suffered through the first, real, spoilers I thought looking away would be too much to bear, so I snuck a peak at what TIME magazine decreed was an actually "spoiler".

Here it is (look away now, gentle reader, if you don't want to be disappointed!)

(drumroll please)

Palpatine is Darth Sidious.

A six year old could figure this out by watching Episode I alone!. Why this is considered "spoiler material" I'll never know. What kind of idiotic judgement reveals key parts of the film, yet hypes the most obvious as an incredible revelation?

Dufuses and non-fans, that's who.

TIME magazine, you have spoiled my fun.

Art, craft, christianity and the power of myth(st)

An interesting read of an interview with Rand Miller, co-creator of the Myst and Riven games. Here's a quote:

"The whole idea of art and the creative process is something Robyn and I have struggled with. I’ve come up with my own definition of what art is, and frankly, I’m not sure everything I’ve done belongs in that category. We can become skilled at many things—writing, storytelling, photography, painting, making movies, cabinet-making—but that might be simply craftsmanship, which isn’t necessarily the same thing as art. Craft has to do with technique and talent and practice, but crossing over from craft to art involves mastering your craft to the point you can imbue it with truth. "

"The line between the two is not always clear. But as you get better at what you do, you’re able to communicate truth, and I don’t presume to think I’ve come very far down that road. I think with Myst and Riven, Robyn and I learned our craft very well, and in the books even attempted to weave in more truth, but it was a bit like shoehorning it in. C. S. Lewis was a master. His stories are awesome at so many levels, and they reveal truth to children and adults. Robyn and I struggled so much with technique, and that can take away from your ability to weave in the truth. But that’s what I strive for. That’s what a musician strives for: to master their instrument to the point where the notes on the page go away and they’re able to express something through the instrument without technique getting in the way. That’s when you go from craft to art."

Royal Roughnecks

Ninemsn (c/- AFP) reports that Prince Harry is about to commence officer training at Sandhurst, the UK's regular Army Officer training establishment.

He is expected to "enter a world of physical hardship, lack of sleep, pranks, hard drinking and -- some say -- secret liaisons with female cadets. "

Where is this place?And why isn't my officer training anything like this? Physical hardship and lack of sleep, yes, but pranks? Hard drinking? Secret liasons? Is this a frat house or a military school?

I suppose he'll fit right in, loving as he does to dress like a Nazi, take drugs and be surrounded by adoring females.

This quote also caught my eye (from an ex-appointee):

"... the moment the parents leave, the instructors start shouting at the recruits.
"It was terrifying. The entire night was taken up with showing us how to iron," he recalled. "

Terrifying ironing lessons. I suppose this gives new meaning to the term "iron discipline". Or maybe "iron will". I suppose this will make him a "iron man".

Industrial Relations-style Hostage Negotiations

Heard on Tuesday on ABC Am, Alexander Downer speaking about Australia's policy about terrorists (in the context of the kidanapping of Douglas Wood):

LEIGH SALES: Alexander Downer says Australia is willing to negotiate, but that certain principles will not be compromised.

ALEXANDER DOWNER: We're satisfied with the contingency plan we have, but of course there's no guarantee, not by a long shot that we'll be able to get Douglas Wood released, but we'll do everything we can, with two exceptions.

We won't be paying ransom and we won't be changing our policies. We're not subcontracting our foreign policy to terrorists and we're certainly not going to have the money of Australian taxpayers expropriated by terrorists.

No nationalist fervour, no flag -waving jingoistic patriotic slogans about freedom or liberty or self-determination, no, we have our pragmatic foreign minister speaking to the hostage takers as if they were recalcitrant unionists.

Darth Vader Merchandising

I took a visit to K Mart yesterday and had occasssion to browse down the toy section devoted to Episode III merchandising. Just about every item aimed specifically at young children, such as kid's cups, bowls plates, card games, dress ups stickers, puzzles, colouring in books, costumes, masks, bedspreads, sheets, pillow cases, pyjamas etc - were all Darth Vader-o-centric.

Is this designed for 5 to 10-year old boys acting out revenge fantasies about their mothers?

Obviously there is a little confusion here as to what constitutes an heroic figure for children.

From Episode I, there has been confusion as to who is the actual hero of the saga - lots of Anakins, Amidalas, Jar-Jars and Jedis - and, in competition, tons of Darth Mauls, enough to rival Herr Binks. Let's not forget that the character only had about 10 minutes of screen time and two lines of dialogue (dubbed by a voice actor and not the of the actual Maul persona, Ray Park.)

Episode II gaves us more Jedis and less Jar Jars, and focussed on adolescent Anakin - a brooding troubled youth appearing on black T-Shirts and bedspreads the world over. He is an ambiguous character, and attempts to do the right thing, even if he is angry at his mother. So he is a hero in deed, if not in motivation.

Contrast this to the original (and re-release) Star Wars merchandising. The familiar shaggy haired Luke Skywalker appearing on every childhood plaything imaginable. Clear lines were defined between who is the goody and who is the baddy. A morally ambiguous universe we have not.
Vader is "redeemed" fromn the Dark Side by the heroic actions of his son, and peace and justice (Christian values? American ones at least) are restored to the galaxy - good triumphs over evil, light over dark, right over wrong.

Now Anakin / Vader is the focus, marketers and childrens attentions are likewise attuned to the main character. But when the main character is a "Master of Evil", it is questionalbe as to whether such a character is a suitable role model for children. Campbells' Hero with a Thousand Faces is revealed by Lucas in Episode III to have only one - and it is thoroughly rotten.

UPDATE:

Article on this cultural phenomeonon published in The Age on May 19th here

Director George Lucas admitted it was not appropriate for children.

But advertisers are still targeting young children through toys, children's magazines and breakfast cereal packets.

Young Media Australia president Jane Roberts said children would expect to see the movie because of the merchandise

Oldie but a goodie

In web terms, this real Audio media streaming file is ancient (10/3/2003) but I regard it as classic Phillp Jensen!

It's an interview with ABC 702 AM. He is speaking with Sally Loane.

Ironically, the very issues Phillip is addressing come up in the grab for the audio file on the ABC website. Thus:


"Sydney’s new Anglican Dean, Reverend Philip Jensen, has stirred the flock with a fire and brimstone speech about Religious tolerance.

He says we are too politically correct in our tolerance of other religions and that Christianity is the right religion."


Note the easy journalistic use of emotive and faintly derogatory language: "stirred the flock" and "fire and brimstone".

And NO, Phillip DOESN'T actually say, "We are too politically correct in our tolerance of other religions" he says, "Political correctness breeds relativism which says all religins are right which is a patent falsehood because they contradict each other at many points but we should be tolerant and engage in reasonable discussion."

Some quotes:

"The agenda (of the ABC) is to exclude Christianity"

"If some of the things (said against Christianity) were said against the Koran...there would be a riot on your hands."

"The only time you ever see the Bible being quoted is in order to show it to be wrong."

"Often we get journalists talking about us who know nothing about us." (this in contrast to Phillip's examples of sporting journalists sho are ex-players or who have some experetise in the field)

"You assume that the world is not interested in religion...but the Australian community is very interested."

In order to listen to the interview (it is RAM format) - DON'T download the Real Audio player - it is chock full of yucky ads.

Download a program called Real Alternative which is better, smaller and superior.

Unfortunately you can't save it, unless you try and record it with some third-party software as you listen like I did!

Vader is Hitler

In my humble opinion, George Lucas has taken a turn for the worse - the whole Star wars saga revolves around vader - who has killed his ten thousands (and more) - just like old mate Adolf. It is only a coincidence that the movie Downfall, chronicalling Hitler's last days in the Fuhrerbunker and Episode III - Revenge of the Sith should be released so close together, but the parallels are uncanny.

From The USA today article:

“He's not a mustache-twirling villain. There are layers of depth in there,
and people relate to that,” says Shanti Fader, a contributing essayist to the
book Star Wars and Philosophy.

Vader may torture his daughter, Princess Leia, and watch as the Death Star destroys her home planet of Alderaan, but, as Luke attests, “there is still good in him.” When given the opportunity, Vader refrains from killing Luke.

That combination of good and bad elevates Vader above most cookie-cutter villains.

and from the Sunday Mirror (UK) (yep, that's right!)

Producer Bernd Eichinger maintains portraying Hitler as a human being adds to
rather than diminishes the horror of what he did. "For me, the terrifying thing
is that he was human, not an elephant or a monster from Mars," he says. "If he'd
been a monster it would take the guilt away from other people - from his
millions of followers. A monster is capable of anything, but everyone knows that
one man could never have pulled it off alone."

George Lucas, man for the centuries, has created the archetypal 21st century anti-hero from the archetypal 20th century villain. This is the work of a perverse genius.

Presbyterian Minister finds God at U2 concert

No, not from The Onion ...but it should be.

QUOTE:

In the remaining minutes of the show as Bono belted out "sing, sing a new song", the audience replied to his cry with a "sing, sing a new song" in unison. And as I looked around I noticed everyone's hands in the air. Not the type of hands in the air that you see at a ball game....but the hands in the air that you see at church on Sunday mornings. And then I looked up and noticed that my hands were raised as well. It has taken me 30 years to get to the point where I can raise my hands in freedom to God in worship and feel comfortable, yet it has only taken me two U2 concerts to feel that same freedom. What is up with that?

Because, mate, "Your love is teaching me...how to knee-ee-eeelll!!!!! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

Read his blog for more.

Does this mean that when (if?) U2 "grace" Brisbane with their presence, every Bible believing worshipper will spring to the box office and line up for a date with perdition?

And what about the lyrics to Vertigo? Hymn to Bono's Saviour or what? I am still in the "what the"? camp. How far can you stretch this stuff and still make it sound plausible?

Makes me think about going out and buying an iPod shuffle, personally. Not that I would.

The Uniting Church and the Australian Democrats

From: Anonymous contributor

Date: Wednesday, 23 August 1995 12:36 pm

Subject: The Uniting Church and the Democrats

I found the following on a file amidst many notes I'd been writing and thought that it might be of some interest to all peoples of sincere faith who belong to the great living world religions, as well as to those (male and female, Jew and Gentile) who are interested in thinking theologically.

Under no circumstances should this be construed as an attack on the Uniting Church, although by all means view it as a sideswipe against the insufferable Chippocrats.

"Uncanny similarities between the Australian Democrats and the Uniting Church in Australia"

In Britain, the Church of England used to be nicknamed (in the old days before various trendy vicars took up attacking Mrs Thatcher) "the Conservative Party at prayer". If you cast a similar look around the Australian politico-ecclesiastical landscape, you might call the Australian Democrats "the Uniting Church when not at prayer".

Here in Queensland, both the Democrat Senators (Cheryl Kernot and John Woodley) are Uniting Church members; indeed, Woodley is no mere backbencher (or back-pew-er) but a frontbencher, an ordained clergyperson. I'm not sure about the situation in other States, though I did once see a letter by Karin Sowada in the St Matthias Briefing, so she might be a Sydney Anglican; however, her letter was critical of the Briefing's criticisms of Hugh Mackay so then again she might not.

The social position of the Uniting Church is similar to the Democrats': liberal/ permissive on the vexed issues (abortion, homosexuality) where the larger, more "entrenched" parties fear or refuse to tread. The epistemological method of the two organisations is also similar. Both work on a participatory, democratic system, with proliferating synods, assemblies, committees, elections and ballots. Contrast their older rivals, with more top-down systems (bishops in the Anglican and Catholic churches; Richo and Crichton-Browne in the Labor and Liberal Parties).

However, such open and democratic mechanisms are in danger of commanding little authority; both the Democrats and the Uniting Church have a very "soft" constituency of support, of members and supporters who easily drift away to other rival groups on the Left or Right of the political or theological spectrum. (Eg, a late 1980s survey showed that something like 25% of nominal Uniting Church members attended churches of other denominations more regularly).

Their ideology, and the history of their founding, were similar. Both saw the "old battles of the past" as destructive and outmoded. 16th-century disputes between Catholicism and Calvinism, between theological liberalism and theological conservatism, were as much of a drag as the tired old battles between capital and labour, free enterprise and socialism. If only right-thinking people would sit down together around a table and re-consider all these issues through afresh, all would work itself out.

Both groups have begun at one end of the spectrum but moved steadily to the other end. The Democrats were formed by disillusioned ex-Liberals, refugees from the Right wing of politics, but in later years they have positioned themselves to the Left even of the ALP. Likewise, the Uniting Church was formed by former Methodists, Congregationalists and Presbyterians - descendants of the Calvinists, Separatists, Non-Conformists and Puritans who rejected the Elizabethan settlement and found the state church too Romanist - but its current generation has positioned itself at the extreme ecumenical end of the spectrum. The heirs of Wesley and Calvin are now more liberal and universalist (and more amenable to dialogue and cooperation with the Church of Rome, the old foe) than the average Anglican or Lutheran.

Both groups contain a surprisingly wide array of opinions. The Democrats' members range from radical greenie socialists like Richard Jones to conservative bank-bashers and CIR supporters like Paul MacLean. Similarly, the Uniting Church theological spectrum ranges from extreme liberals who'd be happy praying to Sophia as the feminine hypostasis of the Divine wisdom, to crusty old evangelicals who'd be happy delivering three-hour sermons denouncing popery every Sunday.

The Democrats have not specified precisely how they would forge a third way that would satisfy the adherents of both socialism and capitalism, of both left and right. Likewise, I've not yet heard the Uniting Church explain how their official church doctrine reconciles Calvinist predestination with Wesleyan works-plus-free-will.

There are some areas where both groups have "moved faster" than their "dinosaur-like, entrenched" larger rivals. Just as the Democrats were the first Australian political party to have female leaders, the Uniting Church (preceded by the three churches that formed it) were the first Australian churches to ordain women to their clergy. The Democrats are the only party to vote against uranium mining; likewise, the Uniting Church is the only church (other than Eastern Orthodox) to remove the Filioque from its version of the Apostles' Creed, so that now the Holy Spirit proceeds "from the Father" alone and not "from the Father and the Son".

Papa Ratsi

Bishop of South Sydney Robert Forsyth told AAP that Pope Benedict XVI would “seek and defend the Christian truth”.

He says he respects the Pope’s belief that other Christian churches have “defects”.

“What else would you expect a Roman Catholic to say?” Bishop Forsyth said.

“I happen to think the same about his church.”

“But I respect the simple straightforwardness of this. That’s the kind of teaching of God we need and I’m delighted to hear it.

“This concept of no wavering from what God has given us (I support), even though we might disagree about some of the detail.”

Habeunt Papam

... not Papem, which is incorrect Latin, but would rectify the incongruity of the world's oldest males-only office being grammatically feminine in Latin. [*]

That the "German Shepherd" has taken the name Benedict XVI, after succeeding John Paul, will do nothing to help certain (unnamed) of my friends to tell the Catholic CHurch apart from the Australian Labor Party.

[*] This is because Papa (Pope) is a Latinised/ Italianised form of the Greek Pappas. In Greek, nouns ending in -as are masculine in gender, but in Italian (which has almost no words ending in consonants) this gets trimmed to an -a ending, which is why Andrea Bocelli has the same first name as Andrea Dworkin.

David Tacey Watch (#2)

Well the folks over at Urban Seed certainly have connections!

See the pictures not only of Tim Costello and brother Peter at Tim's 50th birthday bash, but also, who should be caught lurking on the sidelines? None other than David Tacey!

Bring me my chariot of fire

The Boston Globe follows up on The Onion's scoop...

"Pope John Paul II, Longtime Owner Of Popemobile, Dead At 84"
VATICAN CITY—Pope John Paul II, who owned the Popemobile for more than a quarter of a century, passed away last Saturday. "The Popemobile was known the world over," said Peter Egan, a writer for Road & Track. "A fine example of European craftsmanship, the hand-built, 4.3 litre, V-8 powered, pearl-gray vehicle was exceptionally well-loved, even more so after the bulletproof bubble was added in 1981 to safeguard its passengers against assassination attempts. During the time he owned the Popemobile, John Paul II visited more than 120 countries. He loved the open road." The specially altered Mercedes-Benz ML-series off-road vehicle has been maintained by papal staff since the pope fell ill in August 2004. The pope's will is expected to grant its use to either the next pope or John Paul II's young cousin Zbigniew. -- The Onion, Vol 41 No 15 (13 April 2005)

Sofia Celeste, "John Paul's driving machines fine-tuned: Papal garage holds formidable fleet", Boston Globe (18 April 2005)

Pope vs Charles and Camilla / Is David Tacey really Kenneth Branagh?

This is a late post, and already commented on previously by Tom, but I recalled hearing this remark from Peter Jensen, and it came to mind again when i was at a conference on the weekend listening to David Tacey:

ALISON CALDWELL: Do you think the nature of royalty, British royalty, is changing?

PETER JENSEN: Well, it seems to have… well the answer is yes and no. Any knowledge of history will show that the royal family has had its ups and downs. But the royal family itself seems to reflect very well the sort of change of culture that has occurred in Australia as well as Britain between a strongly and sincerely held Christian faith as you can see in our present Queen, who's much admired, and admired by me nonetheless, and the sort of difficulties which her children have experienced in their lives of relational breakdown and so forth.

This is part of our culture in the last 30 or 40 years and it is to do with our relationship with Christianity. A recent book's been published called The Death of Christian Britain, and it's widely acknowledged that from the 1960s onwards there's been a very considerable turn against Christ in British culture.

(actually, looking at the David Tacey images through google, I couldn't help notice that he bears a more than passing resemblance to Kenneth Branagh, in both the bearded and non-bearded forms)

The Chosen Ones: The Politics of Salvation in the Anglican Church.

"....One commentator in the book describes the Sydney Diocese as having embarked on ‘an imperial mission to fashion Australian Anglicanism in its own image’...."

Perhaps if this scenario as described in such alarmist tones by the journalist concerned was scripted like a scene from a Star Wars movie, say Return of the Jedi, we might see an exchange a little something like this. Imagine a visit by Phillip Jensen, Dean of St Andrews Cathedral, to a local Sydney congregation...

LOCAL CLERIC: Lord Jensen, this is an unexpected pleasure. We're honored by your presence.

LORD JENSEN: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Reverend. I'm here to put you back on schedule.

LOCAL CLERIC: I assure you, Lord Jensen, my evangelicals are proseltysing as fast as they can.

LORD JENSEN: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.

LOCAL CLERIC: I tell you, this Sydney Anglicanism will be operational as planned.

LORD JENSEN: The Archbishop does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.

LOCAL CLERIC: But he asks the impossible. I need more evangelicals.

LORD JENSEN: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.

LOCAL CLERIC: (aghast): The Archbishop's coming here?

LORD JENSEN: That is correct, Reverend. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.

LOCAL CLERIC: We shall double our efforts.

LORD JENSEN: I hope so, Reverend, for your sake. The Archbishop is not as forgiving as I am.

The First iPod

Note: May have to log in to read.

From the NY Times:

The president also has an eclectic mix of songs downloaded into his iPod from Mark McKinnon, a biking buddy and his chief media strategist during the 2004 campaign. Among them are "Circle Back" by John Hiatt, "(You're So Square) Baby, I Don't Care" by Joni Mitchell and "My Sharona," the 1979 song by the Knack that Joe Levy, a deputy managing editor at Rolling Stone in charge of
music coverage, cheerfully branded "suggestive if not outright filthy" in an interview last week.

Demonising youth of today tonight

From The Age:

(snip)
The result was commercial prime-time current affairs television at its worst: a potent mix of voyeurism and exploitation that was light on news value but committed to presenting the most negative stereotypes of young people possible.

(snip)
Like an abusive parent, Today Tonight placed the young people in a situation where they were doomed to failure and then punished them for failing.

(snip)
The hypocritical reporting style adopted by these shows often exploits young people's commercial value while almost simultaneously condemning its consequences. In early March, Today Tonight covered Nikki Webster's photo shoot for men's magazine FHM. The week before, it crusaded against the sexualisation and commercial exploitation of girls in music videos and fashion.

Good reading. See the full article Demonising youth of today tonight for the rest.

Hillsong is the Liberal Coalition at prayer

From an ABC AM transcipt entitled:
"Panel discusses Christianity, multiculturalism in Australia"

Well, not multiculturalism, really. A nod to Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism maybe. But mainly concentrating on Australian understanding of and practice at Easter.

Did you hear the one about the the Anglican, the Uniting Churchman and the Sociology Professor? Read the article for more. It's an interesting discussion in and of itself.

Note the following quote about Hillsong:

DAVID MILLIKEN: That sort of money [$40 million] gives you a lot of power, and it’s interesting that John Howard and Peter Costello, they see that as their church. John Howard was there at the opening of the church. Hillsong is the Liberal Coalition at prayer, because Hillsong is a type of theological representation of the underlying economic rationalist views of the Howard Government.

Emphasis mine. Sounds kinda familiar? Tom, whatever happened to The UCA and the Australian Democrats?

Sola opera?

... According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, only three of the previous 264 [Popes] are called "great," the first being Leo I (440-61 AD), who stomped out the Pelagian heresy. Personally, I happen to think Pelagius was a heck of a guy, a sort of proto-Protestant, although it's hard to say for sure, since Leo and the rest of the Catholic infrastructure destroyed anything that might reflect favorably on Pelagius, who was allegedly British and fat...

- Jay Bryant, "Thoughts about John Paul the Great and other religious leaders", Townhall.com (7 April 2005)

Uh-huh...

Pelagius, a proto-Protestant? Well, I suppose at a stretch you could say that he, Luther and Calvin did all agree that "salvation is by [one of the following: (a) faith, (b) works] alone", and all disputed the Catholic position that it's by the two in combination.

Linking the dots

For The New Republic to criticise Pope John Paul II as "too absolutist" is a dog-bites-man story. But it becomes a man-bites-dog story when this charge is levelled by Damon Linker. Damon was formerly editor of First Things, a journal of conservative Judaeo-Christianity that in November 1996 hosted a symposium ("The End of Democracy? The Judicial Usurpation of Politics") to debate whether Roe v Wade and other excursions in pro-abortion judicial activism had absolved conservative Judaeo-Christians of their allegiance to the US Constitution.

UPDATE: Thanks to Douglas LeBlanc at GetReligion for linking to this, and for doing some further investigative digging. Mea culpa for not realising that Damon wasn't at First Things during its Harper's Ferry period; I did check that particular issue of FT to see who was editor then, but couldn't find what I was after. If DL's stint at FT postdated the much-publicised symposium, that makes it curiouser and curiouser that he would later work at that magazine.

It seems surprising, too, that a Catholic would both (a) be conservative enough to work at FT, but also (b) be liberal enough to consider JPII "too absolutist". Now, one can easily imagine a conservative Protestant admiring the Pope, writing for FT, but still considering the Pope's theology "too absolutist" in certain respects: on married clergy, for example, or contraception, or just war theory. (On the other hand, the Pope could equally accuse conservative Protestants of being "too absolutist" about, say, drinking of alcohol, or gambling, or use of images in worship).

King Henry II, King Henry VIII, and Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV Spin In Their Respective Royal Graves...

... as the world sees who's really boss:

LONDON - Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles will be married in a civil ceremony at 12:30 pm (7:30 am EDT) Saturday, his office announced Tuesday. The wedding was postponed a day to allow Charles to attend the funeral of Pope John Paul II. [...]

-- "Charles, Camilla reschedule wedding for Saturday", The Associated Press (5 April 2005)

The media have quoted duelling reasons for the postponement: "mark of respect" is the official reason, followed by "so C'n'C can themselves attend the papal funeral in Rome", but others whisper that C-1 and C-2 realised that in a direct, head-to-head timetable clash most of their A-List of dignitaries would be otherwise engaged.

"The Papacy: Putting A Spoke In British Royals' Re-Marriage Plans Since 1529"

UPDATE: Great minds think alike.

Further news: Grand Duke Jean of Luxembourg better watch out. The stars this week are not favourable to the mortality of Europe's heads of micro-states.

Even the demons believe, and tremble

Speaking of Mark Shea, I should clarify that when I disagreed with him that Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings is a "deeply Catholic film", I was not merely saying "any good film with a Christian message of some sort must necessarily be Evangelical". Rather, some good films (and other sagas) are particularly Catholic in their theology, others are more Evangelical (and a lot, of course, are anti-both). I was musing on this recently when I got to see Hellboy at last, on DVD. And Hellboy really is a deeply Catholic film, in three ways:

(1) The good guys use particular physical objects (most notably a crucifix) to battle evil supernatural beings. Divine (or, at any rate, Lawful Good) power is depicted as being especially present in some things and not others. Hellboy explains how his gun, the "Samaritan", is loaded with (literally) magic bullets: "these babies. Made 'em myself. Holy water, clover leaf, silver shavings, white oak... the works." At another point, Hellboy's mentor mentions that "In 1938, [Hitler] acquired the spear of Longinus, which pierced the side of Christ. He who holds it becomes invincible." You don't see this, by contrast, in Frank E Peretti's fiction, which is also about angels battling demons. Peretti, a Pentecostal, depicts spiritual and physical warfare as basically exclusive alternatives, and Protestants would largely agree.[*] To an Evangelical, any supernatural power inherent in a relic -- granting, arguendo, that there's any there at all -- would come from its association with God or His angels and saints, and therefore cannot be appropriated and used by the bad guys for evil purposes.

I wrote this comment at Mark's blog last June (but unfortunately did not save a hyperlink to the Haloscan page):

Re [someone's question] “why is it [always] a Black [Catholic] Mass and not a Black [Evangelical worship] Service?” Generally speaking, Protestants do not regard God’s power as confined to physical objects. Therefore there’s nothing to desecrate with any supernatural effect. You can threaten, upset and anger people by burning down their church, but you can’t capture God’s power and make it your own by stealing the communion wafers or the wine/ grape juice. Protestants often get accused of "idolatry" towards the Bible, but even if someone steals or destroys your big black-leather-bound family heirloom KJV (with Words Of Christ In Red), you just buy another one from Word Bookshop. Whereas if someone steals the thigh bone of St Morticius from the reliquary, you can’t simply replace it with any old other bone from the graveyard – it has to be that particular object to have the same effect bringing you closer to God.

... I think that this is a strong factor in a lot of evangelical – well, you could call it “caution”/ “wariness”/ “fear”/ “revulsion” (choose your term) towards the Catholic/ Orthodox tendency to regard the Divine is especially present in particular places (icons, shrines, the Eucharist). If God is especially present in the Ark of the Covenant, then you “lose God” to some extent if the Philistines capture it. If God is especially present in the Eucharistic bread, then you "lose God" if Satanists steal and profane it; they don’t just bring condemnation on themselves. The Prot fear, I suspect, is that taken to extremes this undermines God’s sovereignty and you end up with some kind of "Open Theism".

As a rule, to Protestants, Jesus is safely glorified in heaven and cannot be “grasped”, so to speak, by anyone here on earth. To Catholics, I think, this makes God remote and uninvolved, and culminates in either hyper-Calvinism if God intervenes on earth, or Deism/ Unitarianism if He doesn’t.

I do not say that the above proves either side is right... [but] this fear/ wariness/ caution (call it what you will) explains a lot of the difference over this issue.

(2) The plot of Hellboy places great emphasis on freedom of individual choice. Nobody is predestined unto damnation -- not even a horned, red-skinned demon brought into this world by Indy-Jones-style Nazis opening a forbidden porthole through some occult rite. Hellboy's human sidekick reminds him, at the moment of temptation, "Your father gave you that choice". Literally, he's referring to the human scientist/ occultist who adopted the baby demon, but his words bear also the sensus plenior of referring to God. Some would say that this is outright Pelagianism -- but I do not think so. It can be interpreted in the Catholic sense: you have freedom of choice only because of the grace of God. At the end, Agent John Myers muses on this further: "What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once asked. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he finishes them." This echoes Dumbledore's words to Harry Potter in The Prisoner of Azkaban: "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices."

Of course, Protestants would agree up to a point about human freedom -- human responsibility is a more accurate description of the Evangelical view -- but to see human nature as (relatively) equally balanced between good and evil is much more the Catholic position. Both sides agree that original sin tilts the billiard table of the conscience in the "sinful" direction, but for Catholics it's a dictionary under two table legs whereas for Prots the table is propped up at a ninety-degree slant.

(3) Hellboy also emphasises discipline and obedience to one's spiritual "parent". Hellboy chafes at the discipline his "Father" imposes, but we, the audience, know that Professor Bruttenholm's restrictions are objectively necessary to stop Hellboy endangering himself and those around him. Contrast other films where the lesson the hero[ine] must learn is not to trust some seemingly benevolent authority figure, but instead to think for oneself (I prophesy that Star Wars Ep III: The Sith Have Serious Issues will emphasise this with Anakin falling under the sway of the seemingly noble and paternal Palpatine).

This confirms, by a third witness, my earlier observation that Catholic comic-book superheroes (eg, Nightcrawler and DareDevil respectively) "tend to be tormented by guilt -- as you would too, if you either looked like a devil or dressed like one."

[*] But then compare this passage from Perelandra (Voyage to Venus), by the Anglican CS Lewis:

"...It stood to reason that a struggle with the Devil meant a spiritual struggle ... the notion of a physical combat was only fit for a savage. If only it were as simple as that..."

But then, of course, Dr Ransom realises that punching out the possessed don is precisely what he's meant to do.

Failure to Grasp the Concept - II

Although Mark Shea has resumed blogging due to recent events, he hasn't (yet) picked up this headline which appeared on the Google News page about 30 seconds ago:

Donna Cassata (AP), "Poll: New pope should change some policies", Minneapolis Star Tribune (5 April 2005)

"68.3 'Approve Or Strongly Approve' Release of Barabbas - Morgan Gallup Reveals"

The Kiss of Terry Sweetman is Death

Who'd want to get on the wrong side of Terry Sweetman? The fearless coulumnist from the Sunday Mail who likes to get it off his chest pulled no punches when discussing the effective euthanasia of Terri Schiavo, especially when dispensing with the views of those who opposed it.
While identifying that opinions are divided on the issue, and that her parents and siblings disagreed, his caricature of their perspective is disquieting.

Part of his introduction is to express his unhappiness if he was in a physically vegetative state but still mentally sound:

What if I was lying there in pain and my family interpreted my every
facial tic as a sign of animation and pleasure? If that is Christian
kindness, count me out.

He then launches a full frontal assault on all things "Christian":

"...only those hostage to blind religious dogma could have refused to accept that Terri's mind was dead and that her body was a helpless shell"

Although there are many other parties involved (the President of The United States, the US Congress for example), Sweetman continues his pursuit of Christians, implicit in the next phrase:

"...the right to make that sort of decision [a husband authorising the decision to terminate his wife's life] is under challenge from third parties and busybodies."

Yes, like the President. And Congress. And the Supreme Court. But these are not the targets of Sweetman.

He goes on:

"The intrusion of religion in politics and secular affairs and the exaggerated influence of Bible-bangers and fundamentalist happy clappers, is a pointer to where we are heading. "

Let's not let anything like democrcy intrude and have any of those fundamentalist bible-banging happy-clappers have a vote and an influence, shall we?

Sweetman again:

"In a Schiavo-like situation, any understanding either of us might come to
with carers could be challenged by self-appointed ethicists. "

Like politicians, judges, courts, and God forbid, journalists.

More Sweetman, this time, the attempted knockout blow:

"Knee-bending, psalm-singing and politically motivated stickybeaks and grandstanders can mind their own business.

We don't need them in life and we don't want them in death."

Perhaps Terry Sweetman has better legal advice than Sam Newman, who on live TV fired off his opinions about homosexuals, and was subsequently censored.

Even John Laws has been muzzled following similar complaints about homosexual vilification.

In my view such comments by Sweetman constitute religious vilification according to the Anti-Discrimination Commision.

Or perhaps acomplaint to the Press Council would close down such worrying expositions.

Time to do some homework.

More popular than George Bush

As any Google search will quickly reveal, contrary to John Lennon's assertions, Jesus is more popular than The Beatles (31,200,000 versus 2,920,000 and counting).

Now we know that Pope John Paul II in death is more newsworthy than George W. Bush is in life, according to The Global Language Monitor:

Major news media around the world devoted 10 times as many stories to Pope John Paul II's death as they did to the re-election of US President George W Bush, according to an analysis.

The Global Language Monitor, which scans the internet for the use of specific words or phrases using Roman characters, found 35,000 new stories on the Pope in the 24 hours after his death on Saturday.

That compares with about 3,500 new stories on Bush within a day of his re-election and 1,000 new stories on former President Ronald Reagan within a day of his death last year.

Yet the Google ranking of George W. Bush easily outranks John Paul II (12,400,000 to 4,560,000). Go figure.

Papst Johannes Paul II. ist tot

Alternative Postmodern Unorthodox - It's all the same to me

An article in The Age covering the efforts of one "alternative" worship service in Melbourne.

Read it here

No disrespect intended but I am still finding it difficult to come to grips with the idea behind such efforts.

Best search phrases to date have been "alternative worship" and - yup, you guessed it - "postmodern worship".

Now I am looking not just for a "theology" or "rationale" for postmodern worship, but for a reasonable critique of its modus operandi (and if I can't find one I shall be forced to write my own, but I cannot guarantee that it will be "reasonable").

From my understanding, pomo worship concentrates mainly on the felt need of the worshippers, generated through artistic installations. This is a great distance, IMHO from authentic NT worship, which are the acts of Christians done in response to the saving work of Christ - the one true worshipper - for example, taking care of orphans and widows.

See Hebrews 12 for more.

Postmodern worship is a much a distraction from authentic NT worship as are the mega churches with so-called "worship leaders" who promise to "usher you into the presence of God."

This is a futile quest for the numinous apart from the everyday, when in fact there as followers of Christ there is no distinction between sacred and secular, as we are already always in the presence of God. And we cannot get any closer by our owns mean, whether these be reflective contemplations, enthusiastic Hillsongs or alternative worship installations.

These are human-made props that are intended to serve as a ladder to God, when in fact our ladder has already been nailed to a piece of wood.

His name? Jesus.

Tom's first law of Christian culture

Tom's first law of Christian culture:

Once something new has become familiar enough that it is no longer too threatening for Christians to invoke, then it has become so familiar to the general culture that it’s stale to the average non-Christian.

EXAMPLE: If someone says something new about God or religion in a less-reverent-than-we’re-used-to way, the reaction from Christians will be outrage and cries of “blasphemy” for the first ten years, and then finally “Well, it’s not so bad… You can find some good in it…” the next ten, and finally after the third decade, “Hey! Remember XYZ from 30 years ago? Well, we’re ‘cool’ enough to be able to ‘rap’ about it with you – even joke with you about it – without having any ‘hassles’ about it being irreverent!”

Discuss, class, with reference to Jesus Christ Superstar in the Sixties, Godspell and Monty Python’s Life of Brian in the Seventies, Kirk Cameron (of Growing Pains fame) in the Eighties, rap music (remember MC Hammer, anyone?) in the Nineties, and now The Matrix in the Double Zeroes.

Call No Man "Father"...

Surely someone with the surname “Abbott” should've foreseen the possibility of men’s genes ending up in unexpected places.

(For American readers: Tony Abbott, Member of the House of Representatives and Australia’s federal Minister for Health, is approximately – in politics, religious views, and personal style – the equivalent of Pennsylvania Republican Senator Rick Santorum).

Four comments on this:

1. Didn’t more or less the same thing once happen to Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation?

2. Pacê Mrs Donnelly, the withdrawal method is not “Vatican Roulette.” Rather, it's usually referred to as “the Queensland Rail method” (“we always pull out just in time”) or, by the Vatican itself, as “the grave sin of onanism” (since it's what Onan did in Genesis 38:8-10 -- albeit with his late brother’s widow, whom he wasn’t supposed to have sex with at all except for the specific purpose of giving her a child: see Deuteronomy 25:56). “Vatican roulette” is the nickname for the timed-abstinence method where the couple deliberately schedule their intercourse for a safe (read: non-fertile) time of the woman’s cycle. Its supporters prefer to call this method “Natural Family Planning,” because there's nothing artificial about it (since thermometers and vaginal temperature charts have been found growing on trees in the wild for millennia).

3. Objectively speaking, I would say this reduces to somewhere around 0.001% the Australian Law Reform Commission's hopes of persuading the Howard Government to put legislation before Parliament to outlaw DNA tests in disputed child-support cases.

4. After this episode, will Mr Abbott still want to base Australia’s constitutional arrangements on a system of government that places such a high premium on paternity being reliably evidenced?

The Pope and the Da Vinci Code

Amidst all the current controversy about Dan Brown's da Vinci Code there has been a group of people over at www.catholic.com who have been working indistriously on this problem for some time.

Some quotes from the article Cracking The Da Vinci Code:

"The author is Dan Brown. He is a former English teacher who has authored three previous books"

Go English teachers! Yeah! After years of reading dreary essays, stories and conspiracy theories from genertaions of glazed-eyed students, now Dan has the cahnce to inflict his on the world.

"Should other Christians be concerned about the book?Definitely. Only some of the offensive claims of The Da Vinci Code pertain directly to the Catholic Church. The remainder strike at the Christian faith itself. If the book's claims were true, then all forms of Christianity would be false (except perhaps for Gnostic/feminist versions focusing on Mary Magdalene instead of Jesus)."

Yeah! Go Gnostics! Go Feminist theology!Go anyone who wants to make up their own religion from works of speculative (science) fiction! Hang on, don't we already have scientology?

Apart from this the real tragedy is those who are prepared to give intellect and faith assent to the narrative found in The da Vinci Code (for which there is little historical evidence and much speculation and conspiracy theorising) and offer NO time for true christianity (for which there is much evidence and can readily withstand testing according to accepted standards of judicial, scientific and historical fact).

I'll give the final word to www.catholic.com:

"It isn't a defense to say that The Da Vinci Code is a work of fiction. Fiction can't change the basic facts about major historical figures without being subject to criticism. People would be outraged if Doubleday printed a novel portraying Adolf Hitler in a positive light. Christians have a right to be outraged when the basic historical facts about Christ are falsified. The criticism will be even more intense when a publisher releases a book parodying the most sacred beliefs of others in this fashion."

Fun and games in the land of cheese and clogs

An article about the new Dutch Groningen Protocol "a new set of guidelines ...that deal with ending the lives of babies whose medical conditions have supposedly sentenced them to a life of unbearable suffering."

Interesting read. Especially about euthanising children and the post-modern god of "tolerance"

"Never have we as a society talked so much about tolerance; never have we shown so little tolerance to those who do not fit our idea of what is clean or right or beautiful or democratic. We have long had trouble tolerating people of other races and religions, and economic and political systems that are different from ours. Now we are losing our ability to tolerate babies that don’t measure up."

Failure to Grasp the Concept

If Mark Shea wasn't currently on blogging hiatus to finish his book A Catholic Discovers Matthew 12:48, it would be his office to link to this story below under the heading "Failure to Grasp the Concept". In Mark's absence, we perform this vital public service instead:

THE Irish Republican Army (IRA) said today it had offered to "shoot" those who killed a Catholic man following a pub brawl, but the victim's family rejected violence and wanted the case taken to court. The IRA, the main Catholic paramilitary group in Northern Ireland, said it had told the family it "was prepared to shoot the people directly involved in the killing of Robert McCartney", who died on January 30 in Belfast. His murder prompted not only a campaign for justice by his family but caused wide protests from areas of Belfast where there is traditional support for the IRA and its political wing Sinn Fein. [...]

-- Agence France-Presse, "IRA offer to execute killers" (9 March 2005)

"We're not a gang of killers! Just to prove that, we'll kill any of our members who commit homicide!"

Daily Fruit

Just came into the inbox:

The sign of the coming kingdom will be the true man, the true woman - not the Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist. Religious people can say what they like, but this will not hinder the burgeoning movement of people and nations toward a humanity that strives for higher goals. And though these goals may seem weak and incomplete, God will still protect and preserve them for a new future.

An excerpt from a letter written by a pastor to his son working as a missionary in China.

I wonder what the son had to say. Time to pack up and go home? The message of Christ has already been said by Confucious, Buddha and Mohhamed.

Raise the Bleached Mullet

First we hear that former Van Halen frontsman David Lee Roth has swapped his striped leather pants for a New York paramedic's uniform:

Legendary Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth has stopped "runnin' with the devil" to do God's work -- riding ambulances in gritty neighborhoods throughout New York City to become a paramedic.

The famed rocker has cut his trademark blond mane and dropped his celebrity persona so he can ride unrecognized with ambulance crews in The Bronx, Manhattan and Brooklyn several nights a week.

Several weeks ago, the charismatic crooner saved the life of a Bronx woman who had a heart attack by shocking her back to life with a defibrillator.

The Post caught up with Roth last week as the 1980s icon grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza after sitting for hours in an ambulance waiting for a call.

Just three days earlier, he had played to an adoring rock-'n'-roll crowd in Minnesota.

Roth, 49, initially expressed reservations about discussing his latest endeavor because he felt publicity "would diminish what I am trying to do here."

But the following day, he told The Post more about his new passion.

"I have been on over 200 individual rides now," Roth told The Post. "Not once has anyone recognized me, which is perfect for me."

"It has been an eye-opening adventure," said Roth, who asked The Post not to disclose which "very colorful neighborhoods" he works in because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself or his colleagues. [...]

-- Erika Martinez, "David Lee Roth a NYC Paramedic", Fox News (16 November 2004)

One pictures DLR correcting a colleague's inept CPR by screeching "You'll lose her in the turn!". But better not put him on duty talking would-be suicides into climbing down, especially not from the Brooklyn Bridge.

Now, I learn that former Sydney Swans football godling Warwick Capper is now a "nondescript road worker flipping a stop-go sign for $16.50 an hour":

[...] Warwick Capper has gone from one-time Sydney Swans sex symbol to nondescript road worker flipping a stop-go sign for $16.50 an hour.
Almost unrecognisable in a reflective top, sheriff-style cap and sunglasses, Capper began work last week with Queensland road management company Traffic Services Australia.

Capper, keen to downplay his latest foray into the workforce, expressed surprise when contacted by The Sunday Telegraph.

"How did you get that photo of me?" he asked of a shot of him at work. "Mate I'm not a council worker, I just drive utes for this private company. I don't do it fulltime, I only work for them a couple of times a month. How funny is that?"

Capper, who rocketed to prominence when he kicked 103 goals for Sydney in the 1987 season, insists he has not fallen on hard times.

"No way, I needed to do something casual because I'm very busy and I'm going away all the time," he said. "My wife started it all - she said: 'Stop being a big-head, go and get a job in the real world'. It's certainly been an eye-opener. Even though I don't do too many hours, it's a lot bloody harder than life as a celebrity." [...]

-- Peter Badel, "High-flyer working as stop-go man", News.com (27 February 2005)

Cappa would be less wasted if he, too, worked as a paramedic. You can be durned sure no one would bleed to death with one of his tourniquets.

PS: Re Dawn Eden's sacking -- to complicate the picture, she's also ethnically Jewish and a convert to Christianity.